Stunning Admission — Millionaires and Billionaires Say They Stole Their Money From The Poor

Millionaires and Billionaires, reviled by, well, everyone else, have for decades asserted that they had created their own wealth, i.e they earned it. But now, in a stunning reversal, millionaires and billionaires have finally admitted what everyone has been saying all along —  they stole their money from the poor.  At a time when so many Americans are struggling, this revelation has angered many, and there are calls for a complete confiscation of all millionaires’ and billionaires’ wealth.

“We’ve tried to protect our secret, but there are so many of us now that it’s hard to keep a lid on it. And frankly, I’m just plain tired of the deception.” said millionaire Craig Wilson, who owns a chain of sporting goods stores. “Yes, we stole it all from the poor people of this nation. If it wasn’t for us, they would be the millionaires and billionaires, and we would be poor. We are actually just a bunch of criminals. There, I said it! “

I pick-pocketed $2 from a poor person the other day and that paid for 1/35th of this fine cigar.

In the face of this and other testimonial evidence, the Association of Billionaires and Millionaires spokesman Rene Jones, pictured above, said at a press conference yesterday, “While it may be true that we have amassed our wealth by stealing it from poor people, we don’t plan to give it back. It took real ingenuity on our part to figure out the math. Figuring out how to take billions from people who had only thousands, is a great scientific achievement. So we are standing firm, based on that, that we did in fact earn it. Even though we stole it, it’s ours. Finders keepers.”

Philosophers and pundits have been saying the rich are just thieves, earning their wealth on the backs of the poor, for a century, yet until now, while it was universally believed to be true, there was no definitive evidence, or, smoking gun if you will. This admission finally sets the age old question to rest. The rich don’t make the pie bigger, they just take the poor’s slice.

Homeless man, John Wayne, says he beat a billionaire off just the other day who was trying to take his cart.

Congress has opened hearings on this issue that may lead to a full blown investigation. Sources say they may call top billionaires and millionaires to testify before congress and the world as early as next month. If congress finds guilt, there is a chance all millionaires and billionaires would have to give all their money to the poor.